Last week a video went viral here in El Salvador. It was this famous fitness influencer and tv presenter, Billy Calderon, talking about how “real men” are supposed to act during the quarantine. The topic being discussed was “Men during the quarantine.”
“We are alfa males.”
“I don’t want to see alfa males, swiping or mopping the floor,” “Washing Dishes?”
“Having your woman tell you: babe can you help clean, can you watch the kid, can you make the bed? That’s not possible for men.”
“If my wife asks me if I can do the laundry, I’ll rather wear my clothes dirty, but I’m not doing laundry.”
Above are a few of the comments made by Billy during the “educational” show. I’ve embedded the video below if you haven’t seen it.
El Salvador, as well as many other Latin American countries, is known for being a land dominated by males, a “Machista” country. The proper English translation is to be a male chauvinist.
Men are supposed to be “macho men,” and women are supposed to be submissive to their male partners.
There are certain things men aren’t supposed to do, or else you’ll be called “a pussy” “a girl” “a bitch” as if being a woman was a derogative thing. This doesn’t only happen in Latinamerican countries; these stereotypes have been passed from generation to generation across the globe. Men around the world have been told since they were kids that they had to do certain things, talk and act a certain way, dress, or even look a certain way to be accepted by society.
To prove this, I went and did a simple image search in Google around the world “masculine”; these are the results I got:
Men with curved jaws, muscles, and beards.
All of these things feed a toxic standard of masculinity. Billy’s video sparked a fire in me. It made me so mad to think that we are in the year 2020, and those standards are still being taught to kids.
I don’t want my kids to be raised in a world where men “rule the world” and where someone will be attacked or mistreated if they do certain things “out of the norm.”
I’ve compiled 10 things “real men” are not supposed to do. I’m sure that if you’re a guy, you’ve heard these at least once in your lifetime.
We have nothing against The Cure. We love their music. 🎵
This is one of the most absurd things I’ve heard. Crying is a natural process of the human body, not of the female body; this includes men as well.
Crying is a natural response humans have to certain emotions like sadness, grief, frustration, or even joy. It’s crazy to think that society has even turned a natural response of the body into a taboo.
If you’re a man, you’re allowed to cry, feel the feels, and let your body do its own thing.
If you’re in your 20s or 30s, you’ve probably been to a baby shower, or a gender reveal party.
The image above basically says it all. It all starts even before you’re born. If you’re a boy, your color is blue, and if you’re a girl, your color is pink. According to who? This is another standard set by society, have you ever considered the fact that things could’ve been the other way around? What if from the beginning of times, pink was the color assigned to boys and blue was the color assigned to girls?
It’s just another silly thing that does not dictate whether your a man or a woman; it’s just a color.
By all means, wear pink, color does not and will never dictate your masculinity.
The first thing that pops into my mind with this is a Friends episode (enormous fan over here), where Ross gets upset when he sees his son playing with a barbie doll. Throughout the episode, he tries to fix his son’s “deviation” by showing him how to play like “a man.”
I remember when I was a child, my brother and I used to play with barbie dolls. I made him but is he less of a man because he did it? No, not at all.
The same as with color, toys have been created by humans and given specific meanings based on what exactly? The significance given to a toy is another standard set by society.
Men are supposed to love sports, especially the ones that are more physically demanding and tough, because, well, a man is supposed to like rough sports. God forbid you’re a guy, and you like ballet, ice skating, or dance.
Again, according to who?
Sports date back to at least 3,000 years ago; they were originally created as a preparation for war. Historically, men have always been the ones going to war.
Things have evolved and changed by then, and sports are definitely not a preparation for war, sports are just an activity to have fun, release endorphins, and workout.
Men and women both have proven to have almost the same physical capabilities, men tend to have more strength, but that’s just about the only difference. It should just be a matter of personal choice, so if you’re a guy and you love to dance, I’m telling you, that doesn’t make you less of a man. In fact, here’s a little secret; women love men who can dance. We think it’s sexy!
This doesn’t happen anymore, or at least is not as common, but there used to be a time where dads took their sons into brothels at the age of 13-14 to become “a man.”
Since the beginning of time, men have shown their masculinity and power over women by showing ability in bed.
If you’re 18, a guy, and you’re still a virgin, then the immediate reaction is “you’re probably gay.” In 2018 Netflix released a documentary on the sexual revolution in teens; it’s called “Liberated.” There’s a part in the documentary where boys talk about sex as something that gives them power and shows how masculine they are.
It blows my mind to think there are guys out there who still think this way.
As most of the things I’ve listed in this article, drinks have been given particular significance based on society’s standards.
I don’t care if my boyfriend drinks a cocktail instead of a beer; it’s just a drink! A drink should be chosen by the way it tastes; if you like how it tastes then you should have it, period.
Check out this video from Heineken! Cheers to them for being such a powerful brand that works to remove these stereotypes from society.
I think fighting makes you weak. There should be absolutely zero tolerance when it comes to physical violence, in fact, to any type of violence.
Fighting only shows that you’re mentally incapable of resolving a difference of opinion or disagreement with another human being.
And if you’re thinking, well, sometimes fighting is needed to protect yourself or others. That’s what law enforcement is for; if you ever feel endangered, you should call for help, not fight! Avoiding placing yourself in a situation to fight will protect you!
Who says careers have a gender? If I’ve seen a pattern while writing this article is that humans love to attribute things, activities, and situations a gender. What is the need to do so?
There is no such thing as a masculine or feminine career; it’s just a professional field. You chose to be a baker, so what, some of the most successful bakers are men.
Duff Goldman is one of my favorite cake artists and yup, he’s married to a beautiful lady, Johnna Goldman.
Stay-at-home moms are pretty common, but what about stay-at-home dads? There’s nothing wrong about you staying at home and taking care of the house and the kids while your wife is working a full-time job.
I admire guys who are stay-at-home dads and show up to the PTA meetings with a basket of muffins. It just shows that they don’t care about society’s stereotypes; they do what they have to do and move on.
Disclaimer: we also think guys who cook, clean, and take care of the kids are hot.
I personally want to marry a chef. I don’t cook very well, and if my husband can’t either, God save us!
If you think cooking is feminine, take a look at these famous chefs that are nothing but masculine:
Internationally renowned, multi-Michelin starred chef Gordon Ramsay has opened a string of successful restaurants across the globe, from the UK and France to Singapore and Hong Kong, to the United States. Gordon has also become a star of the small screen both in the UK and internationally, with shows such as Kitchen Nightmares, Hell’s Kitchen, Hotel Hell and MasterChef US.
As a national TV personality, Emeril Lagasse has hosted more than 2,000 shows on the Food Network, and is the food correspondent for ABC’s “Good Morning America.” Most recently, Amazon launched an original series featuring Lagasse called Eat the World with Emeril Lagasse. The series received five daytime Emmy nominations and won Outstanding Culinary Program.
Robert William Flay (born December 10, 1964) is an American celebrity chef, restaurateur, and reality television personality. He is the owner and executive chef of several restaurants: Mesa Grill in Las Vegas; Bar Americain in New York and at Mohegan Sun; Bobby Flay Steak in Atlantic City; Gato in New York, and Bobby’s Burger Palace in 19 locations across 11 states
Chef, a restaurateur, New York Times Best Selling author and Emmy Award-winning TV host, Guy Fieri, is one of the world’s most recognizable and influential culinary stars. In 2019, Guy received a star on the celebrated Hollywood Walk Fame, a rare feat for a chef.
Anyway, I think I made my point. You see how most things, activities, and hobbies have been designated a significance by society itself.
It’s so damaging to think that throughout your life you have to conform to a wrong standard of masculinity.
If you’re one of those “I don’t do that cause I’m a man” kind of guy I hope this article gives you something to think about. And if you’ve been a macho man throughout your life, let me tell you, you’re doing it all wrong, because well…women think that guys who do most of the things in this list are sexy.
The coworkers that were alongside Billy Calderon at the time appeared defending the comments mentioned during the previous airing of the program instead of admittingly apologizing.
Billy Calderon made a video apologizing on his brother’s Instagram account.
What is your opinion about Billy Calderon’s comment and how society continues to discriminate against both genders? Let us know what you have on your mind in the comment section below.
I hope that you’re all doing well, staying indoors, and being safe. Spend time with your loved ones and be thankful for all that you have. I know we’re living in trying times right now because of the Coronavirus, but we’ll get through this together. Remember to wash your hands! 🧼💕
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